On May 16, 2009 my husband was ordained to the permanent diaconate in the Diocese of Lansing. The following day he preached his first homily at Christ the King Catholic Church in Ann Arbor. The transcript follows. You can listen to it here:
“If you keep my commandments you will remain in my love. Just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and remain in his love.” (John 15:10)
The Date was July 31st 2005 the day after our 8th child Rachael was born. Rachel came to us eight weeks premature. The day before, we almost lost her and Janet as she had to have an emergency surgery.
As I sat beside her incubator trying to see her little face beneath the respirator tubes and monitor wires, the intensive care physician came to me and said, “Mr. Lawrence our genetic tests have confirmed that your daughter has trisomy 21. Which we know, of course, is Down syndrome.
Going back another year, Janet and I had just finished completing the first course in my diaconal studies which focused on Pope John Paul the Great’s Theology of the Body. We were so inspired by his vision of marriage and family life that we felt the Lord inviting us to be open to one more child even at our advanced age.
Back in the hospital I was struck with fear. We had just buried my father a few months earlier. My mom and dad had lived with us in our home for three years. He had suffered from Alzheimer’s disease and my mom with dementia. And over the course of that time and it really brought us to brink of exhaustion.
I went up to that incubator and I put my hand over little Rachael with all the tubes and wires stuck around her and I remember just praying to God, literally begging him to heal her. I said, “Lord, you have to heal her because I don’t know if I can handle this. I just don’t know if I have the strength to do that.” I felt very lonely.
And then the assault for the Evil One came. I remember clearly the lies that came. The first one was, “You trusted Him. You trusted Him! You and Janet opened your heart up, and look what he gave you. He gave you damaged goods. How can you trust a God that will do that? And it just brought me to fear. I struggled to pray over the next several weeks. And the guilt, “O you are training to be a deacon, how can you feel this way? And as hard as I tried, it just seemed that God was just so distant.
I felt very much like Elijah sitting under the broom tree after Jezebel said, “I am going to take your life.” I felt totally spent. My emotional tank was empty and in anguish I cried out to Him just like Elijah did. “This is enough Lord! This is enough!”
And then he came, then the Holy Spirit came. “I have heard your cry. And now I want you to listen to me. I have two things for you. The first thing is this; I promise you; I promise you, that you will see my glory in Rachael’s life. I promise you that. And the second thing is this; I am not going to heal Rachael. I am not going to heal her because she is everything I have created her to be. I am not going to heal Rachael; I am going to heal you. Because Rachael is not the one that is handicapped. The one that is handicapped is you because you’re judging her.”
Both of these words brothers and sisters have come true. We have seen God’s glory in her life and I was healed. God did eye surgery and heart surgery on me at that very moment and I was changed. I was able to accept Rachael as the true gift that she has been to our family. And we have all experienced blessings that’s hard to describe in words.
In today’s first reading the Holy Spirit fell upon those gentiles who were listening to the word of God in the house of Cornelius. Peter, inspired by the Holy Spirit has a conversion of heart. At issue was: do the gentiles have to accept Judaism before coming into the Church? The circumcised believers who accompanied Peter, they also judged the gentiles. The day before the Lord speaks to Peter in a dream, “What I declare to be clean you are not to call unclean.” In today’s gospel we are challenged to do what Jesus commands us. In obeying his commands cause us to fear. And that age old question, “Can I really trust Him?”
Can I really trust God for what is best for me? In my sexuality, in my finances in my career, in my family?
Several years ago, I was finishing up my Master’s degree in Education. It was a Wednesday night class. And I had one class to go. Only one. The professor at that class would lace his lectures with using God’s name in vain. And about a third of the way into the semester, the Lord spoke to me very clearly. He said, “I want you to speak to this man. I want you to speak to him.”
And I said, “Lord, I – I can’t do that. I mean there is too much on the line. I’ve got this master’s degree. I’ve got one more class to take. Those guys got a lot of power. He might not let me graduate.”
And again, the Evil One was right there. “Let it go, let it go. Let it slide. It will be ok.”
But the Lord kept speaking to me, “I want you to speak to this man. I want you to speak to him.”
So, with fear and trepidation, I found out his office hours and I called him up on the phone. And brothers and sisters, the last thing in the world that I wanted to do was speak to him. I was hoping against hope that there would be an answering machine. I could leave a message with him. I picked up the phone and dialed that last number, pushed that last button and literally, my stomach was in my throat. I was sweating bullets. And he said, “Hello?”
I said, “Professor, this is Dave Lawrence from your Wednesday night graduate class. And sir, I really appreciate your class. It has been very stimulating for me. But I want you to know that I am personally offended when you use God’s name in vain. And I would appreciate it if you would stop.” NOTHING – I felt as if the phone went dead. It seemed like an eternity but it probably was about 4 or 5 seconds. And my honest reaction was, “Well thanks, Lord there goes my Master’s degree.”
He came back on the phone and said this to me, and I remember it as I am standing here today. He said, “Dave, I really didn’t realize I was doing that and you won’t hear me say it the rest of the semester.” And true to his word I never heard him use God’s name in vain.
In one way or another we all ask that one question that Lucy asks to Mr. and Mrs. Beaver about Aslan in the Land of Narnia. Of course, we know Aslan is the Christ figure. And she asks this question, “Is he safe? Is Aslan safe?” And Mr. and Mrs. Beaver reply, “Of course he is not safe. He is the king! But he is good. He is good!!
Jesus Christ is King and sometimes as king he leads us into situations that are personally difficult. God wasn’t safe when he created us with free will because we could walk away from his love. But God said it was good!
The Apostle Peter didn’t feel safe mixing with the uncircumcised gentiles. But God said what I declare clean to you, you are not to call unclean. It isn’t safe to give yourself to priesthood or religious life in the mindset of our culture that says “serve yourself,” but it is so very good.
In these economic times it isn’t safe to give sacrificially to the church, but it is good.
It’s not safe to make that phone call to that professor, but God said in the second commandment that he wants his name honored. And that is good.
It isn’t safe to love and care for aging parents as I know many of you have done. But the fourth commandment to honor your father and mother says that it is good. It isn’t safe to commit yourself in a sacramental marriage. It isn’t safe because you are called to be vulnerable and you will be hurt. It isn’t safe, but it is good.
In our culture of death, it isn’t safe to have a child with special needs. Over 90% of those that are detected before birth are aborted. But God says that Rachael and all children with special needs are good because they are made in my likeness and image.
God has created us to love brothers and sisters, and the gospel tells us that if we keep his commandments we will remain in his love. Sometimes obeying the gospel means we need to step out of our comfort zone. It’s not safe but it is good. There are so many of you who have responded to the call of love who have stepped out of security and out of safety to enter into God’s adventure. You are an inspiration, a testimony to remaining in God’s commands and his love abiding with you.
Beginning with my wife, Janet and our eight children, David, Peter, Paul, Anne, Cecilia, Mary, Catherine and Rachael we would like to thank you. We would like to thank Fr. Ed, Fr. Lobert, our brother deacons, Dan, Lou, Jerry, Dennis, Jack, Larry, and all of you for your faithfulness to the Lord. Vocations have flourished at Christ the King because you are living out today’s gospel. You have given sacrificially of yourselves to build the kingdom of God. You have been a great inspiration to us to accept this call to the diaconate.
We have been assigned to serve at St. Patrick in Brighton along with Fr Gabriel Richard High School. We want you to know how grateful we are for the formation, love, and support that you have given us over the past several years. We do plan on being connected to Christ the King. We echo the words of St. Paul in his letter to the Philippian church, “I thank my God in all my remembrance of you. For I am confident of this very thing, that he who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Amen (Phil 1:3, 6)
You Are Loved 